


Engage, in two senses

by circumlocute



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, M/M, POV Rose Lalonde, Public Display of Affection, Second-Hand Embarrassment, Takes place during the wedding in the credits scene, Tricksters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-01
Updated: 2017-05-01
Packaged: 2018-10-26 07:55:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10782690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/circumlocute/pseuds/circumlocute
Summary: It's hard to properly appreciate your wife's beauty when your brother is experiencing one hell of a sugar rush and won't stop telling you how much he loves his boyfriend. It's hard and nobody understands.





	Engage, in two senses

**Author's Note:**

> Something silly and self-indulgent because I haven't seen a lot of fics where the boys are both trickster!

Rose isn’t...sure, exactly, how to feel about the neon candy explosion on her wedding day. It’s a little bit to get used to, but she supposes it does give her some much-needed space to spend time with Kanaya. When everyone’s like this--whatever _this_ is--their various emotionally constipated histrionics are kept to a sweet, sweet minimum.

“‘Sup,” Dirk says as he plops his bright orange-and-blue ass into the chair next to Rose, just as stony-faced as ever.

Oh, well. Nothing’s perfect.

“I thought you were all busy screaming and groping each other like particularly enthusiastic woofbeasts.” Kanaya leans forward slightly to peer at Dirk, who shrugs and sips at a flute of champagne.

“Yeah, well, I guess it’s not exactly foolproof. I kinda wondered if it’d do the same thing to Dave.” Dirk doesn’t even sound bitter as he casts a glance at Dave, who is hugging Roxy and spinning around in circles.

“Unfortunately--or fortunately, as the case may be--Dave isn’t quite as thorough when it comes to hiding things under a layer of emotionless horseshit.” Rose goes to pat Dirk’s arm sympathetically, but he moves away.

“Shit’s contagious, Rose, and I don’t think you wanna be giving the missus this kind of sugar. Best not to risk it even if I’m not puckering up or braining you with vegetation or whatever.”

Kanaya goes a delicate shade of green and brushes a lock of hair out of her face. Dirk is right, of course--Rose would much prefer admiring her without the sheen of hyperactive magic muddying the view.

“Yes, that would--” Rose is interrupted by a familiar voice, delighted in an entirely unfamiliar way but just as loud as ever.

“ _Dave!_ ” Karkat shouts, cupping his hands around his mouth despite being no more than a few feet away. He is just as obnoxiously colored as everyone else--Kanaya’s lip curls almost imperceptibly at this upgrade to his wardrobe. And if the lack of a characteristic scowl is anything to go by, he’s no more immune than the others.

Rose can practically hear brakes squealing as Dave pulls Roxy to an abrupt halt. She goes off to see what someone else is doing while Dave’s grin somehow gets wider. Sweet jesus, here it comes. Rose experiences a brief moment of sadistic glee at the thought of these two flagrantly performing PDA in front of her and her wife (!!!). They’ve bitched about walking in on them long enough; this will be an excellent weapon to bring up later.

“Karkat! Hi, Karkat!” Dave waves enthusiastically. They are entirely within hugging distance, and yet. Rose makes an effort not to snicker when Kanaya puts her head in her hands and sighs.

“Hi, Dave!” At long last, Dave clears the negligible distance between the two of them and scoops Karkat up, one arm on his back and the other under his knees. This is in the running for one of the most saccharine, idiotic things Rose has ever seen. Certainly from these two.

“Karkat!! Can I carry you around, man? Oh, wait! I’m already carrying you, oops, but still! Can I can I can I?”

Karkat gasps like he hasn’t been asked a thousand times before, like he isn’t already being held bridal-style (there’s a quip in here about weddings, Rose is sure of it). Then he nods like his default answer isn’t an essay on why he would never say yes except when his life depends on it.

“If you don’t carry me around _all of the time_ I’ll punch your stupid gorgeous face right in your ridiculously pretty mouth and wow we should kiss. We should kiss, Dave!”

Dave nods so hard Rose wonders how his shades don’t fly off. Then, he dips Karkat low enough that his horns nearly brush the grass and plants one right on his lips. Kanaya snorts and golf claps while Karkat kicks his legs in what can only be sheer delight.

“Countdown until pants come off?” Rose says dryly, glancing at her wife and...brother-father-peer, “I’m going to start a betting pool.”

Kanaya smiles, the flash of her fangs dazzling in the evening light, and for a moment Rose wants to lunge at her, make like her ectotwin and his boyfriend. But she has all the time in the world to kiss every inch of Kanaya, while Dave and Karkat will only make fools of themselves for so long. Well. At least in this manner.

“Seventeen minutes is my estimate.” Kanaya tosses a wry glance at the boys, who are yelling something about holding hands, and entwines her fingers with Rose’s. Well. Well, then.

Rose squeezes her hand and raises one eyebrow. “What’s your wager?”

“I’d tell you, but unless I’m mistaken we’re in public, and we are nearly the only people with any inhibitions _left.”_ Her smile widens. “We have to do our civic duty and make up for all of them.”

“I knew there was a reason I married you.” Rose leans in to brush a kiss, quick and chaste, across Kanaya’s cheek, before turning back to Dirk. “Will you be placing a bet?”

“An hour and twelve minutes,” Dirk says, and shrugs when Rose gives him a quizzical look, “If they’re anything as bad as me it’ll be a fuckin’ miracle that it happens at all. I wager one performatively self-deprecating monologue, buried in enough bullshit to fertilize a hundred fields.”

“Alright.” Rose considers the possibilities for a moment, taking care not to ruin the spirit of the game by using her powers. “I say...five minutes, and a handmade scarf.”

* * *

Their antics stop being funny the fifth time they come over to congratulate Rose and Kanaya on their special day. Dirk is watching everyone to make sure they don’t get grabby with the newlyweds, which is a relief, but they both seem perfectly content to perch on the table (Karkat firmly in Dave’s lap) and talk and talk and talk. Not even candy magic can silence these two, apparently.

“I’m so happy for you, Rose! It’s just, it’s just super great that you’re married? And you’re so pretty, and Kanaya’s so pretty, and I’m just! I want you to be happy! And this is great, and you’re smiling, which is the best! You should smile more.” Dave says, again.

“Human weddings are stupid but this is _wonderful.”_ Karkat says, also again, voice a little dreamy underneath all the excitement, “It’s _so_ romantic! I love it, I love you guys, I’m so glad I got invited and everyone is having so much fun. Are you having fun? I am, this is the best day of my life! Dave, are you having fun? Hold my hand, Dave.”

“I am holding your hand!”

“My other hand!”

“ _Ohhh._ Hell yeah!”

Rose leans forward and rubs her temples. This nonsense was bad enough on the meteor, beneath innumerable layers of ‘irony’ and shitfits and fronting, thank you very much. The raw, unadulterated ‘Dave and Karkat are idiots’ experience is going to give her heartburn.

Kanaya reaches over to pat her back, sympathetic, while Dirk raises one eyebrow. Oh, yes, Rose can see how he had a genetic hand in creating her; that is her trademark look, clear as day even on a peachy face with fire-engine red hair.

“Want me to make ‘em get a room?” Dirk tilts his head in the direction of Dave and Karkat, who are alternating between kissing and giggling at their laced-together hands. “They’ll probably be easier to wrangle than the others, at least, lock them in somewhere and let them give the furniture diabetes. John and Jane are fuckin’ _menaces_ like this. Goddamn prankster’s gambit.”

Rose considers this for a moment, while Dave tells Kanaya that she looks stunning and he loves her and is so glad she’s his family now. She considers Kanaya’s blush, and the way Karkat is snuggling against her ectotwin like he’s trying to merge with Dave somehow, and most of all she considers the positively _delicious_ blackmail opportunities. Not that she’d necessarily do anything with this information, but having it is nonetheless a welcome reassurance.

“Not until their displays become significantly less G-rated, I think. We may have all lost the bet, but I’d be lying if I said this wasn’t interesting in some bizarre way. It simply takes a bit to get used to it. And maybe an antacid.”

Kanaya nods. “As obnoxious as they may be, it is sort of cute. And I for one don’t mind being told how nice I look even if it’s a bit repetitive. It isn’t every day I get married.” She sends a coy glance in Rose’s direction, and it’s like they’re thirteen and fumbling through that first date again. Rose never thought it was possible to feel like this, out of sorts in the best way. She looks down at the table to hide her blush, although she can tell by the way Kanaya squeezes her hand that she knows.

“You should kiss!” Karkat says, making an attempt to point at Rose and Kanaya without letting go of either of Dave’s hands. The humor of this is, tragically, lost on him as he sits up a little higher and kisses Dave. Setting an example. God. Kanaya reaches for a fresh glass of champagne.

“Why?” The logic behind the fun dip is something Rose can’t resist poking at, even though she suspects it’s something pedestrian like ‘because I ship it.’ Higher thought doesn’t seem to be compatible with this.

“Because you love her, duh???” Ah, yes. Just as Rose suspected.

“I love _you,_ ” Dave says, peppering kisses between Karkat’s horns, “I love you sooo much. You’re so fucking funny, dude? And smart, too! I could listen to you talk for _hours_!”

“That’s fortunate,” Kanaya quips, tone dry. They either don’t hear her, or take her at face value. Whatever the case may be, the result is the same--they turn a deaf ear to her and keep swooning over each other.

Karkat finally lets go of Dave’s hands, only so he can sling his arms around Dave’s shoulders. “Oh, wow! This is fucking great, I love you too! You’re my best best best friend, Dave, my _best_ friend. You’re so good at everything you do, you’re the funniest and I _love_ your music!”

Dirk sighs almost imperceptibly. “Wild guess, you two want to get married and have a zillion babies.”

Dave and Karkat glance at each other for one blessed, silent beat before bursting out into uncontrollable giggles. As the laughter carries on (it just keeps happening, if you will), Rose starts giving the champagne longing glances and slumps forward on the table.

“Hell to the no!” Dave says eventually, in concert with Karkat’s “That’s totally repugnant to me!”

Oh, now _this_ is interesting. Rose sits back up and smirks at both of them, the very picture of an intimidating psychiatrist. (The suit really completes the image). (Too bad they’re too busy playing a grade-schooler’s version of grabass to notice and be appropriately cowed).

“Why not? From what I heard, that particular activity is all the rage with the neon-clad throngs. Don’t want my sloppy seconds, Dave? I promise the altar is still perfectly serviceable.”

“Pffftno.” Dave starts playing grabass for real, snickering. “You’re funny, though! I feel like I don’t tell you that enough, how much I actually do like you. You’re my favorite sister, Rose! ...Shit, what were we talking about?”

“Why marriage and quadrants and grubs and babies are stupid as _fuck!”_ Karkat chimes in helpfully, reaching up to fiddle with Dave’s shades, “And they are! _Soooooo_ dumb! We already made at least a million babies, anyway?”

“Yeah, man! And I don’t need a piece of paper to tell everyone that Karkat’s my boyfriend who I love, fuck I love him so much, have I told you that? Karkat could totally, like, step on me and I’d just be like _yes please_ , that’s how much I love him! _That much_ , Rose!”

Karkat beams, and as though it’s the most natural thing in the world and doing this wouldn’t give him a stroke under any other circumstance, he reaches up to pap Dave’s face. Pap, pap, pap, look at him go. Kanaya wolf-whistles, and under the table, she crosses her ankle with Rose’s, who can feel her face heat up. She finds she’d like a little space with her wife, _without_ the peanut gallery shrieking every time they kiss. Of course, asking Dirk is out of the question--she just told him it was fine, and she’s not going to go back on that.

“I would _never_ step on you, Dave, unless--haha--unless you wanted me to? Because then I--”

“Karkat.” Best to stop _that_ train of thought at the station, anyway. Before it takes them all somewhere entirely unwelcome.

“Yeah?”

“Have either of you told anyone else this?”

Bam. Rose shoots Kanaya a glance and settles back in her seat as Dave and Karkat let out twin gasps. Of course they haven’t told anyone; they’ve been hiding everything with a thin veneer of ‘bro’ and narrowly-avoided flirtations since they _became_ an item. Doesn’t mean almost everyone doesn’t already know, of course, but still. Rose allows herself the briefest moment to preen over her excellent diversion tactics.

“Dude, we have to tell John right now!!” Dave stands, Karkat already fitting himself into his arms, and kicks off from the table. Dirk has to flashstep to catch a dangerously teetering centerpiece, but at least for now everyone else is occupied with each other. After a few moments, Rose can hear raucous cheering. At long, long last.

“Now,” Rose turns in her chair, a smile playing at her lips, and brushes her hand against Kanaya’s cheek. “Seeing as I’ve made an honest woman of you, we’re going to have to work twice as hard to fix that.”

Kanaya reaches up to pin Rose’s hand, eyes twinkling. God, she’s stunning. Rose can feel her pulse accelerating.

“Oh, no. Have you come to sully my reputation forevermore, Rose?”

“We’ll be sullying a lot more than _that,_ I hope.” Rose leans in for a kiss, Kanaya’s lips just slightly cool against hers. It’s a pleasant, ever-present reminder that Kanaya is not of this world (although, if she’s going to be entirely accurate, Rose isn’t either).

Dirk makes himself scarce.

* * *

\--turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 11:11--

TG: ok first off i know youre on your honeymoon and probably making sweet sweet midmorning love to your new wifey

TG: god why am i awake i feel like something the cat dragged in and then shat on

TG: and then the dog ate that and puked it up in the front lawn and here i am hissing at the sunlight like i got grey skin and yellow horns

TG: but anyway you dont have to answer im just not going to leave you with yesterdays fucking spectacular performance without some kind of

TG: idk an apology an explanation a list of questions probably

TG: numero uno being did you take video cause i remember a lot of shit but lets say i was pretty uh SINGULARLY FOCUSED if you catch my drift

TG: of course you catch my drift you were there

TG: back to the point

TG: sorry you had to see

TG: that

TT: I have time to talk, actually. I know it’s shocking, but honeymoons aren’t a 24/7 fuckfest. I’ll be demanding a refund immediately.

TT: You don’t need to apologize; it was funny and kind of cute. Like a video of a kitten sneezing, except the kitten is radioactively bright and understands nothing about the concept of personal space.

TG: dont sugarcoat it lalonde i had enough of that shit yesterday

TG: it was a fucking debacle of pda and stupidity and we both know it

TT: It was certainly, hmm, intense? But you two were easy enough to herd elsewhere once it got to be too much for my psyche to bear. As to your initial question: no, I did not take video.

TT: But the memories will last me an eternity.

TG: im in hell

TG: im in hell and the devil is a little green lizard skeleton lady with a giant fuckin lollipop

TT: I have to say, my favorite part was when you two told everyone four times that you were in love and dating, and in love, did I mention in love?

TG: no way we did it that much

TG: twice maybe

TT: Which one of us was high on alien candy drugs, again? I could pick out your shrill giggles a mile away. It was definitely four.

TT: You congratulated me and Kanaya five times, if it helps.

TG: ugh god

TT: I’m honestly just surprised you two were so… PG-13. We were making bets as to when you’d be removing your garish legwear, but it appears the answer was “never, because we’re still excited to hold hands.”

TG: no we uh

TG: i woke up with karkats pants turned back into normal sweats instead of neon bootyshorts and i was wearing them as a hat thats all im gonna say

TT: You could have stopped at “no we uh,” Dave.

TT: Now my honeymoon will forever be sullied with this image. I’m going to be thinking of those neon bootyshorts whenever I try and take Kanaya to bed.

TT: Do you know what you’ve done?

TG: absolutely jack dick because my dignity already ate shit and died and theres literally nothing that can wilt your boner parade

TG: except maybe an actual boner

TT: Ah, the erect phallus. My only weakness, as much as it is your greatest strength.

TG: hang on karkat woke up and hes trying to drown himself in the toilet

TG: either that or he is actually puking up his intestines i gotta go

TT: Best of luck. Perhaps you can kiss him better?

  
\--turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 11:33--

**Author's Note:**

> The reason Dave and Karkat don't want to get married while trickster mode is because I interpreted the alpha's quadruple marriage as a solution to their relationship problems, to the logical extreme. In this, Dave and Karkat are already in a relationship; their major problem is that they're constantly covering up the fact that they're dating with a thin veneer of plausible deniability. So the solution to the extreme was over-the-top PDA and announcing their relationship to anyone they happened across, though you don't see the latter much in the fic itself.
> 
> Hope that cleared things up!! Let me know if you liked it, and thanks a ton for reading.
> 
>  
> 
> [Now with illustrations on my tumblr!](https://felivey.tumblr.com/post/160207326002/oh-youre-funny-tfw-you-illustrate-your-own-god)


End file.
